Saturday, January 28, 2012

Alright, so it's been a long time since my last post, I realize. I am about a month in to the second quarter, and we have finally started the Old Testament. I have been working on Genesis the past few days, and will continue to be for the better part of next week. It is an interesting if not a very long book, and the work load has gone into another level due simply to the size of the book. I enjoy it a lot, so far, and look forward to see what the rest of it has to offer.

We did Revelation a couple of weeks ago, which was a really fascinating book to learn about. I probably don't have enough time to explain everything about it in the span of one blog post, but if you decide to read it yourself, keep two things in mind: what everything would have meant to the original reader of the book, and that most of if not the entire thing is figurative. Great book, overall.

The week before that, we did the gospel of John. That was by far the hardest week in the school for me, as I was strained on several levels. I had to do my work duty, which is preparing and cleaning up breakfast, which is about a 2 1/2 hour commitment on top of an already heavy workload (John was the biggest book we'd done to that point). So I was extra tired most of the week. And going through the book, I had some pretty heavy questions regarding some of the theological points of the book (when Jesus talks about people coming to the Father in chapter 6, especially, and the kind of predestination-y tone behind it). And over the beginning of the week, I found myself seriously questioning what it is that I believe, and figuring out how to reconcile what I thought I knew about God, and had a bunch of questions about grace and what it really looks like and what it means and what it means in regards to God. It was over-all just unpleasant, as it is weird going from a strong place in God, and being excited about knowing him, to questioning whether or not he even exists. It was a frustrating week over-all, that left me pretty rattled and broken, something that I'm slowly coming out of.

So, the spiritual side of things this quarter have been rough. That has kind of been the theme of this quarter, so far. I find myself struggling to remain faithful in regards to provision, and actually being able to stay here past Genesis. I find that the longer I am here, the more uncomfortable I feel socially. Rather than growing closer to people in the community, I feel the distance is only growing farther apart. My health has been shaky, as well, in several different ways, and in general it is something I am often nervous about. So over-all this quarter has been a struggle for me, spiritually, mentally, physically, socially. In many ways, I feel lost. But I am clinging on to God, knowing he'll bring me through to the other side. I have no idea how, or what that will look like, but I know remaining in God is the only hope of coming out the other side. I've seen that hold true too many times, in far darker circumstances, to doubt that.

So, in the midst of everything, there is hope. Ultimately, that is what God affords us. He gives us the ability to essentially live outside of whatever circumstances we are going through, and instead bury ourselves as deep inside his promises as we possibly can, and know they will hold true. God is the hope of a better life in the present (spiritually, if not physically), and an eternal life in the future.

If you have any questions, or want details on anything else, please feel free to ask.

Sincerely,
Joshua Miller

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